Honestly, I don’t own a diary. You know that secret book that has key locks and all. But I do journal. Even though I haven’t been consistent writing daily in my journal, I’d like to share with you some snippets from my 2017 journal diary – diary because strangers are still not allowed to read it. And hopefully, I’d share some summaries that should inspire your 2018. In for the secret whispering? Ok, here goes. Just promise you won’t tell.
17/1/2017: Honestly, writer’s block can feel like a big curse. Lol. I mean it.
And I meant and do mean it. My 2017 started with an empty big writing head. I struggled to generate any ideas, struggled to write and I struggled to be any consistent. Looking back, I realized it’s because I didn’t have any plan for my blogging and writing year. Being spontaneous is fun. But planning and moving spontaneously with that plan, whatever that means is going to be my go-to for 2018. So, you should perhaps get out your tablet, laptop, book and pen, what you use to write stuff down I mean and get your 2018 talking written down. That’s a better guide than what you feel and when you feel it.
26/02/2017: When you are sprawled, humility just seems to cloak you.
Any human to share this feeling with? Mine! I’ve known how it is to be face down much of this year, to be so low you really are humiliated so you just got to be humble and ask for the help you need. With God, and with people, even strangers, I’ve had some pretty embarrassing moments this year. During my very last encounter with an UBER driver, while I was thinking what could have been wrong, I learnt some situations are just out of our control. We don’t get embarrassed always because we deserve it. Some days, it’s because we need it to see that we’re human and we can’t control other people and their actions. Even all the situations in our own lives. But we can choose what holds us and what we take into the next day. Hopefully this year, I’d be less concerned when I have to ask for help, when I’m not all able and even when I’m downright mistreated but can’t do a thing about it. Did you have any moments that sprawled you last year? Moments you’re whipping yourself over? Here is the time to let it go.
17/03/2017: Welcome March. March is almost three weeks in and my mind is now adjusting to this whole journaling. The inconsistency is real.
See, I told you. It was that real brothers and sisters. Keep me in your prayers this year. I’ll need every bit of it. For a fair deal, I’ll keep you in mine.
20/04/2017: I have always loved fear.
There it is; a brutal and shameful confession but… And I’m not glad to admit. I’ve come far trying to get fear out of his room in my house (as NF is doing to his. By the way, NF is a rapper I love. I mean him but his music first) but I’m going to have to finally take my keys back this year. Fear is such a bully. I’m not having that anymore. Fear is why I didn’t write much of this year. Fear of whether what I write will be as good as it should be, fear of what people will think, say, how they’d respond. Fear isn’t a nice guy at all. Join my fight and let’s kick him out. Let’s be fear-free this year. Who’s with me
10/11/2017: My devotion gave me the permission to grieve. And I did. And I may continue till it’s all gone. Because everything is still here, set in its place, the anger at God, the anger at myself, the failures of friendships, the failure at my academics, the failure at leadership, the fear of never coming out of the other side… everything is here and I don’t know how I’m going to let go and live. I’ve confessed so many times but I don’t know how to live it. How to make it true. I wanted to just hit my Whatsapp and put everything there, every fear. But then, what will that earn me. The Lord asked if I can accept him as my Father. And if walking out of Legon with Him, just HIM is enough. The truth is, I want to and I want to say He is. I want Him to be.
This is the last entry I’m sharing. Much of the last two quarters of this year, I was depressed.Because of more than the reasons I’m sharing from my journal. Throughout, I learnt how easy it is to lead a double life and shove what can kill us under our beds so we can be presentable for the world. As I go into this year, I’ve resolved to live like the bible tells me to; a day at a time. I’m letting go off yesterday, not worry about tomorrow and enjoy today, whatever today comes with.
So, what’s it going to be for your new year? Get out and Live. Life is for that honey.
You didn’t think I’ll go away without thanking you for last year, did you? Thank you for last 2017, for reading and liking my posts, sharing your thoughts. You wouldn’t know how much but you helped me stay sane. Let’s go and get all the year has for us. Thank you again and I love you from all of my heart and the little corner of my space on this big web. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
©M’afua Awo Twumwaah 2018.
Afua Awo Twumwa 